BREAKING: Sedins aren't Twins

Several anonymous and completely fictional sources within the Canucks' inner-circle have confirmed the existence of a third identical Sedin brother, hidden from the world since the triplets' birth. Possibly even more shocking is the revelation that none of the three brothers have actual first names. Names on the twins' birth certificate, Henrik and Daniel, are utilized by any of the three interchangeably, not unlike the famous Shamu, who is not a single (unique) whale, but a "character" played by dozens of whales at numerous Seaworld parks. Informally, to avoid confusion, the brothers refer to each other as "you", "him" and "me." One unnamed source, who claims she dated one or several of the brothers (she is not sure) said the Sedins meet each morning to discuss who is going to play which brother that day, and who will rest. Their relationship is frequently contentious, however. Last summer, according to the source, Him grew a goatee without consulting the others and refused to shave it off. Calls to the Canucks and SeaWorld were not returned.

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