Three new jokes I need punchlines for

How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Zero. When his lamp goes out, he just buys a new one.

Knock, knock. [Who’s there?] Kovalchuk. [Kovalchuk who?]
-Oh, never mind, I have the wrong city.

Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?
-Well, to get to the bank of course.

    * How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but it takes him 2 1/2 weeks to do it if the Lightbulb is named “Dean Lombardi”.

    * Knock, knock. [who’s there?] Kovalchuk. Kovalchuk who?

Go. Ve’ll chuck some money at a more deserving player.

    * Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?

Self-pass.

What the heck:

How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but he needs a group of twenty other people to stand by the ladder and keep passing them to him.

Knock, knock. [who’s there?] Kovalchuk. Kovalchuk who?

“Stop pretending I’m not here! It’s not the playoffs.”

Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?

To visit a Snooki on the other side! (Oh man, I am terrible at this.)

How much puck could a Kovalchuk chuck if a Kovalchuk could chuck puck??

How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. He just holds the lightbulb up and the hockey world revolves around him.

Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?

Because he only had 80 million reasons to stay on this side of the road.

How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

IK: I’ve been instructed not to answer –
Grossman: – i got this, kovy. is the aforementioned light bulb being screwed in during a potential lockout? because i’m gonna need some assurances that my client is fully compensated for screwing in said light bulb even if his fellow electricians are striking. i’ve already received several offers from unions in st. petersburg who appreciate my client’s screwing ability. get back to me when you have a better offer, we’re in no rush.

Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?

to look at the offer from the other side.

How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Depends on how dim the GM’s “lamp” is.

Knock, knock. [who’s there?] Kovalchuk. [Kovalchuk who?]
IL-YA’ glad I’m gonna be COLD “FULL – CHUCKING” you for the next 17 years?!?

Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?
No need to play defense over there.

Because some naive owner tried to get him to screw in a lightbulb, and everyone knows Kovi only screws players, teams and leagues.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Kovalchuk. O, well f*&# off then.

How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
—In a lightbulb? One, put a mirror in the bulb he’s there

AND THE WINNER IS:

Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?
—To grab the chicken that was also included in the deal…

How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but it will take 17 days to do it.

Knock, knock… Kovalchuk who?

Ilya Kovalchuk, which is Russian for albatross (meh).

Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?

To die… in New Jersey… in the rain… ha, ha… ugh.

Knock, knock. [Who’s there?] Kovalchuk. [Kovalchuk who?]

The Kovalchuck who kovalchukked all over your capitalist hockey league.

I thought this a dumb post but you all have risen to the occasion, and made me laugh. Thanks!

How many Kovalchuks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The agent DOES the screwing.

Knock, knock. [who’s there?] Kovalchuk. Kovalchuk who?

You know, the one that screwed the NHLPA.

Why did Kovalchuk cross the road?

He thought he had a BETTER team.