Hello Jewels from the Crown Fantasy Hockey League Managers! It’s been a little over a month since we had our last league update, so let’s catch up on the league proceedings since the last time we had an update. During our previous visit to the JftC League, Team Pickle Party had built up a formidable lead a top the standings. We now have a new team holding down the number 1 spot: J Dub Step! Congrats to Niesy for moving into the league leading position.
This league update is going to deviate from the previous article, and focus instead on the head to head match ups of week 12.
Team Quisp vs. The Royal Line. Team Quisp wins 7-4-4. Most Valuable Player: Daniel Sedin led Quisp’s team with 4 goals and 1 assist. Shockingly, Daniel actually had 4 PIMs last week as well, so you know that Vancouver residents must be overflooding the NHL offices with letters claiming an anti-Canuck conspiracy theory, because there is just no way on this good Earth that their beloved Sedin could commit TWO minor penalties in just one week. Least Valuable Player: Max Pacioretty. The Hab was held scoreless last week with a -2, and the NHL Officials are promising to look into the matter right after the back up the Brinks Truck to remove all the Vancouver conspiracy theory messages from their offices.
J Dub Step vs. The Dude Is Not In… The match up ends in a 6-6-3 draw. Most Valuable Player: Tomas Vokun. Washington’s netminder was an excellent 3-0 last week with a sterling .955 save percentage. Least Valuable Player(tie): Martin Havlat & John-Michael Liles. These guys are on IR, yet remained in the Dude’s starting lineup all week. Time to mix it up a little, Lebowski.
Pruuuuuuuuust vs. Cookies for Lubo. Cookies for Lubo wins 8-4-3. Most Valuable Player: Henrik Sedin. Cookies for Lubo dominated the assist category last week, and Henrik’s 5 helpers were a key part of making that happen. Least Valuable Player: Brandon Prust. The team’s namesake was held scoreless last week and the pugilist failed to rack up any PIMs at all last week. Maybe Brandon got wind that his mom would be checking in on his behavior while watching last week’s episode of HBO 24/7?
NorthPark Nuthuggers vs. Fontana Reign. Fontana Reign wins 10-3-2. Most Valuable Player: Jonathon Quick. Maybe y’all didn’t hear, but the NHL’s #3 Star of last week went 3-0, with 1 shutout (Ha, ha Chicago) and a .958 save percentage. Least Valuable Player: Tyler Myers. Similar to Havlat and Liles above, Myers is on IR yet remained in the Nuthuggers starting line up last week. Hey Chonies, feel free to insert Erik Karlsson into that lineup any day now.
Easy Bryzy vs. Robin Goodfellows. Robin Goodfellow’s wins 9-3-3. Most Valuable Player: Alexander Semin. Because Semin had 3 goals, 2 assists. And I refuse to acknowledge the contribution Jimmy Howard makes to any team, be it the Red Wings or Voluminous Tuna’s fantasy squad. Least Valuable Player: Shane Doan. The dogs captain was scoreless last week and a -5 on the +/-. Doan was obviously elated today when he got the good news about Mike Smith’s groin.
Willy Gags Richie vs. Hoolie. Hoolie wins 10-3-2. Most Valuable Player: The Great 8 – Alex Ovechkin. Hoolie’s team won the goals tally last week by dominating the category 16-0! Alex’s 5 biscuits in the basket were a major factor towards the goal domination last week. Least Valuable Player: Andrej Meszaros. The Flyers blue liner was scoreless with a -2 and just 3 shots on net. I’m not sure if he is going to Geno’s or Pat’s, but Andrej needs to just step away from the Cheesesteaks and maybe fit a little bit more Quinoa into his diet.
Pickle Party vs. Greenpoint Sewage. Greenpoint Sewage wins 9-4-2. Most Valuable Player: Ryan Callahan. The Rags’ captain had a respectable 4 assists to go along with his 6 PIMs last week. Least Valuable Player: Ryan Clowe. Scoreless last week, +/- of -2, and he plays for San Jose so eff’ him. Sorry Nut, but it brings me nothing but joy to see anyone on the Sharks continue to poop the sheets.
DryIsland Survivors vs. LA Angels of Death. DryIsland Survivors win 9-6-0. Most Valuable Player: Steve Downie. What? Yes, Steve Downie. The Bolts’ biggest D-bag had 2 goals and 5 assists last week. Least Valuable Player: Johnny Boychuk. Jack Edward’s illegitimate son when scoreless last week with a -1. It looks like Paul has already cut Boychuk from his team to the curb, so here’s to hoping that picking up a defenseman from another NHL works out well for Paul. Oh, wait. How did Dennis Seidenberg sneak in here?
It’s been a great season so far, and the league is now Niesy’s to lose. Let’s see if Nut’s Pickle Party is up to the challenge, or if Quisp and Hoolie can make a run to the top from their #3 and #4 spots. Thanks for reading and we’ll see you back here for the next League update!