Town Crier: Your Kings News Roundup (4/15/12)

There's nothing I could possibly put in this box that's even half as funny as the expression on Alex Burrows' face here. Enjoy! (Photo by Rich Lam/Getty Images)

Forgive me if things are a little shorter than usual today, still recovering from a wild Saturday night. It was just like that "Because It's the Cup" commercial, except everyone was much less pretty and no one said "hockey has TWO halftimes!". That's on a list of banned phrases that will result in a stick to the mouth should it pass through your lips, along with "he needs to play with more grit" and "go Canucks go", amongst others.

Below the jump are your standard Kings links, along with a brand-new feature I'm trying out that I'm sure you're gonna love. What could this be, you ask? Click and find out, bucko.

Game 3 Previews

  • Let's start over at the Royal Half, which has your usual picture-based hilarity. If you're going to tonight's game (and speaking for east coast Kings fans everywhere, I'm so insanely jealous), why haven't you printed out a Canucks dive team flyer yet? Because you're lazy? Don't be lazy. Think of all the Canucks fans you're going to royally piss off tonight! Haha, royally, see what I did there? [TRH]
  • Rudy Kelly has your Battle of California preview with the most awesome cackling Drew Doughty picture of all-time. Unfortunately, nothing in this preview is nearly as funny as his reaction moments ago to the news of Schneider getting the start tonight:

  • Yup. Awesome. And timely too, given this weird Titantic revival going on right now. Fun fact: In the time it took me to embed that Tweet, the Flyers & Pens just each scored a goal in their game. True story. Anyway, the BoC preview! [BoC]
  • Life in Hockeywood brings you all the videos you could ever want heading into tonight's game: official previews from NBC & CBC and tons of pre-game interviews with both coaches and players from both teams. [LiH]
  • Finally, your opposition preview from Nucks Misconduct. I didn't even realize just how many Canucks have no goals in this series until he actually listed them all like that, wow. Good stuff, except for the stupid Burger King photo. Oh yeah, that's clever guys, no one's ever made THAT joke before. [NM]

Other Kings News

  • Lisa Dillman checks in over at the LA Times with a nice article on the Kings knowing they haven't won anything just yet. Hopefully they remember all these words about stepping on their throat and the like once they're actually playing in the game (especially if they face some early adversity). Don't think I need to remind anyone here all the issues they've had at home in the last 2 years of the playoffs, of course. [LA Times]
  • Sticking to that theme, here's some more quotes collected by Rich Hammond on the Kings' need to play better on home ice this year in the playoffs. I'm actually not worried at all, oddly enough, but maybe I'm just in denial. At least they're saying all the right things, right? [Kings Insider]
  • Who ever gets tired of reading a local paper tear into their own team? Not me! Here's an article from the Vancouver Sun on the first 2 games; revel in the fact that the Canucks had never gone down 0-2 in a series where they had home ice advantage. [VS]
  • Keeping things over at the Sun, here's the results of a poll asking fans if the Canucks' season is over. The results may or may not surprise you. [VS]
  • Alright, so it's time for that new feature I was just talking about! In honor of the rampant stupidity that's happening on Twitter, I bring you....

The "Hahaha, what?" Tweet of the Day!

So you're a Canucks fan sitting at home. Your team is down 0-2 and, perhaps even worse, quickly becoming the butt of a million jokes (some funny, some not-so-much) via Twitter. Hell, even a team's official account is getting in on the action! Something has to be done! The honor of your precious team must be defended!

How do you do that, you ask? Why, signing up for Twitter with the most ironically hilarious username of all time (@Wedontdive. Seriously, that's his name. Makes me want to sign-up for Twitter with the username @Wedontdrinkbooze because it'd be just as accurate) and start using homophobic slurs on every Kings fan you can find, of course!

But we're not going to lower ourselves to reprinting one of his lazy insults here. Not when he's giving us this little gem of unintentional hilarity instead (sadly I can't embed it because he already took it down, but thankfully I was smart enough to manually RT it at the time):

"It's funny these people think the Canucks are gonna win hahahahahahahahahahahq"

Yes. Either it's a Freudian slip or he's just a moron, take your pick, but he mocked the idea that his own team was going to win. Let's all give him a big hand!

I don't think I have to tell you what's going on tonight. 7:30 pm PT, let's step on their throats boys. Go Kings Go, and if you're going to the game, have a blast! See you back here later tonight for our post-game recap.

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