By now, everyone has heard of what you said on The Dumb Lunkhead Hour, and cries of "What a dumbass!" are echoing though the internet. I was going to heckle you too, but I ran into a bit of a problem.

The whole time I listened to that segment, I kept thinking: Who's Cam Janssen again?

Cam Janssen was on the Devils?

I admit, the description of your heartbreak in the Stanley Cup Final was touching in a way. You're kind of a Neanderthal poet laureate. But are you sure you were there? I keep looking at New Jersey's playoff stats, and I see nothing. I was going to type your name in the search bar to look at game previews, but I lost interest halfway. Cam Janszzzz zzzzzzz....

...zzzz...

zz...

(Yawn)

(Stretttttch)

So anyway, mystery dude. Enjoy your extra media time this summer. Some day, we might muster up the energy to chirp you back.

If you're ever good enough to take a shift.