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EPIX Road to the Stadium Series Episode 4: Goodbye

Tuesday night's most heartbreaking finale.

Extraterrestrials orbiting Earth have reported back, and they say that #44 skates slow.
Extraterrestrials orbiting Earth have reported back, and they say that #44 skates slow.
Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

When the series started, the Kings were losing. A lot. In fact, to some, it seemed that the Kings were digging themselves a hole they wouldn't be able to climb out of. The narrative EPIX pushed was that the Kings were sinking and the Sharks were going up.

That is...no longer the case. The Kings started the episode with their 5th straight win and the Sharks started it with a drubbing at the hands of the Nashville Predators.

We get a shorter focus on each game to start, and perhaps the best moment from the early Kings coverage is hearing Dwight King earnestly referred to as Tanner Pearson's replacement. Good for Dwight King but...man...poor Tanner Pearson.

After watching the Sharks get destroyed by the Preds, we head back to Matt Greene, who orders a Colorado breakfast. Shockingly, this breakfast isn't overachieving trash. Unshockingly, no shots were included with his food.

From there, we are treated to the Kings PDOwning the Avalanche. Jonathan Quick submitted his strongest case for the NHL's first star of the week on this night, and the episode quickly moves back to the Sharks.

Though the Sharks were able to defeat the Stars in their last game before the Stadium Series itself, it does give us a chance to laugh at the league's most disappointing team in the 2014/15 season. You were so close to upsetting the Ducks in the playoffs a year ago, but you disappointed me then, and you've evolved to disappointing the entire continent this year. You're embarrassing at hockey and it's kind of great.

The end of this series will be sad for some reasons. We won't hear coaches cuss any more. No more cute dogs and babies. Not among those reasons is Matt Nieto's rap. I will not miss that at all. YOU MADE ME HEAR THIS, DALLAS STARS. FEEL SHAME.

I hate to get sentimental, but it's totally neat that Jamie McBain went from scrapheap pick-up to getting to go for a skate with his wife at Levi's Stadium. That was cute. Good work Jamie.

Finally, we've arrived at the biggest game in the history of the San Jose Sharks. On this most historic of nights, Trevor Lewis got hit by a puck in warm-ups and had to go in for stitches. This is, perhaps, the most Trevor Lewis thing that has ever happened.

The best moment of the early portion of the game itself was not Kyle Clifford's goal, but Darryl Sutter calling the Kings, "fucking horseshit." His delivery was vintage-Darryl, and I appreciate his efforts.

Finally, after most of 4 episodes, the show reached its pinnacle with the Kings refusing to acknowledge the Sharks after defeating them: "I think we're supposed to shake their hands. I'm not shaking their fucking hands. Let's get the fuck outta here." And so they did, much to the chagrin of some bemused Sharks.

And that's it. The series is over. Do we shake EPIX's hands? Nah. Let's get the fuck outta here.