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Crown Conversations: Half Dead, Fully Empty

The sputtering, stuttering LA Kings may be getting injured players back, but with lack of downtime, everyone looks closer to undead then fully alive.

Los Angeles Kings v Minnesota Wild Photo by Bruce Kluckhohn/NHLI via Getty Images

Out of gas. Hit a wall. Wasted. Pooped. Spent. Beat. Bushed. Drained. Dead. However you want to phrase it, the Los Angeles Kings have simply run out of energy. Following one of the league’s toughest schedules in March, by all accounts and purposes, the over-performing Kings have crashed back down to the Earth in the most ungraceful manner with a stinky 0-3 road trip, in which their recent matchup against Minnesota saw them not only blow a 3-0 lead in a very short amount of time, but also surrender six goals against.

Nothing about the team has been consistent over the past 74 games—aside from the consistent rash of injuries. On nights that their goaltending is superb, their offense fails to show up. When they could use some help from their goalie, both Jonathan Quick and Cal Petersen have turned in average-at-best replacement level performances. This is not to pin the team’s woes on them. While they aren’t performing at a Vezina quality, the skaters in front of them aren’t exactly all playing at Norris/Hart/Selke levels, either.

Much of that is due to the aforementioned injuries, which has seen players forced to elevate their games beyond their readiness or roles (i.e. Olli Määttä being thrust into a first pairing role or asking 21-year-old rookie in all senses Jordan Spence to be a reliable third pairing NHL defenseman). Alex Edler missed three months and has been slow in his return to the lineup. The losses of Mikey Anderson and Drew Doughty (who is now out for the rest of the season following a wrist surgery) are also weighing heavily on the blue line where Matt Roy and Määttä are forced to shoulder the load along with the rusty Edler and Troy Stecher. The former Red Wing has been a big boon to the weary Reign players, but as expected, has not been the team’s saving grace—though that was never the intention in trading for him.

What looked like a sure bet two weeks ago to make the playoffs is now looking like dicey odds. The Vegas Golden Knights, with a game in hand, have managed to win their way back into a bubble spot whilst the Kings have slipped into the third spot behind the red hot Edmonton Oilers with blow points against the San Jose Sharks, Chicago Blackhawks and Seattle Kraken looming large.

In this short podcast episode, Sarah and Robyn discuss the team’s potential to make the postseason (despite head coach Todd McLellan’s insistence that this is the team’s “playoffs”) and how disappointing it could be if the team manages to miss out on playing more games in May.


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BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

RP: Hello and welcome to a very–I don’t even know what emotion to describe it as–Crown Conversations. Joining me today is Sarah Avampato because James is busy as usual, but she’s much cooler than James. So, I’m sorry, James, but it’s true.

SA: Take that!

RP: Umm… Emotions: Frustration. Sadness. Frustration. Angst. Frustration.

SA: Annoyed. Disappointed but not surprised.

RP: All right, well, let’s briefly start with the road trip from hell which is, oh-and-three. And gave up three goals in like three minutes I don’t know if it was three minutes but it was like very quickly/

SA: Just… So bad. Everything was so bad. Like, why? I mean, I know why. It’s because… like as we’ll talk about later we have a bunch of defensemen who are maybe like not playing in the role so they should be playing in for reasons outside of their control and like everyone’s kind of hit a wall and they’re tired and this is–I was just talking about it on “Locked on Kings” where like, I didn’t even think about it. But, this is the first time in years that we have had a full 82 game schedule. Like the past two years were short because of covid and like, introducing a bunch of young guys who haven’t played that much like… It’s just, like, everything is going wrong all at once and like the adrenaline of like, “oh crap, all of our defensemen are dead, we have to play all of these children” is finally like wearing off and it’s like, “oh crap, we’re playing all these children.”

RP: Yeah. It’s… I think hitting a wall is a really good way to describe it, because it’s just like… there’s nothing left in the tank. I feel like they have–they went through… I mean, March was a schedule from hell. Four games–four weeks of four games in seven days. Like… It’s… So, 16 games inside of a month. That’s a lot when the average is usually 12 to 13 and even that tends to be a lot. So, like you’re playing an extra four games inside of a month. And it’s just it’s like even–you can tell it’s starting to wear thin even on the veterans and the guys that you’re getting back from injury, who should be a punch in the arm–pun intended there Brendan Lemieux came back–they um, they’re not providing the quite, quite the punch that you were kind of–er, at least that I was kind of expecting.

SA: Yeah, I feel like all the guys who are coming back… Like, Lizotte jumped right back in and looked, okay. But I feel like, you know, Matt Roy still looks like he needs to get up to speed Brendan Lemieux has looked kind of pointless, like, both literally and figuratively, like the players they’re adding back in… It just seems like because of the schedule right now and like the schedule right now has also been pretty jam-packed. Like, there hasn’t been a lot of practice time. There hasn’t been a lot of time for them to like ease back into it. And instead it’s like, you know, they got dumped into a part of the schedule that was just brutal and it’s like, all right, sink or swim and we see what they have chosen.

RP: I understand Todd McLellan’s Inclination to play his veterans over the kids because it’s like, well, you’re in the home stretch here, you’re really trying to get them going and it’s-it’s good for the veterans to get back in but at the same time, my concern, at least this, you know it… I feel like this probably should have been a bigger concern… Rust. We saw with the Edler, which is why he keeps getting scratched Just I mean I know Edler’s not that old. He’s only like, 30-something. But that’s old for defense I mean, that’s old for hockey player and it’s just… Phillip Danault cannot carry this team anymore. And and Anze Kopitar is… He’s like done. I think Anze Kopitar washed his hands of this team in like December. He’s like–

SA: He just needs a nap Like, does he need like a Snickers? Like… Yeah, it’s just it’s, it’s, it’s frustr, it’s so frustrating to watch because we’ve seen them be good. We saw them be good through this stretch where, like, again Olli Määttä was the only veteran defenseman in the lineup and we’re like, “oh wow, they’re still winning games, like easily” and it’s just like… It’s like the controller disconnected like meme only it happened to literally all of them except for like Trevor Moore. Everyone has just like [powering down noise] run out of battery at the worst worst possible moment because Edmonton’s winning games, Vegas is winning games. Like, I think, Dallas and Nashville I think early like also the teams in the contention for that wild card spot, like they’re winning games. It… It’s time to do-or-die like…

RP: And they have chosen to die.

SA: Right? Oh god. I mean I hope not. Like… So I mean… Like looking at the rest of their schedule, they should win many of these games. Like the only legitimate team that they’re playing is Colorado. But.

RP: They’re going to get crushed against Colorado. They’ve–

SA: Oh yeah.

RP: Scored three goals in three games against Colorado.

SA: Yeah, like that that was a schedule loss. Like I’m just… I just assumed that they’re losing that game. But like Chicago, Anaheim, Columbus, like these are all very bad teams. They should win some of these. But will they?

RP: I don’t know. I mean it’s it’s nice to see that Jordan Spence has played himself into somewhat of a regular role and he was not the first man out once Matt Roy came back and I know that Roy’s left side and Jordan Spence is right side so therefore, you know, he was a little bit safe. But at the same time I just feel like… Maybe we should go back to playing the Ontario Reign.

SA: Right? Like… Just… It’s just the most annoying thing. So everything… Everything that is happening to this team right now is just so obnoxious.

RP: Yeah, I calculated it–wait, I have to look it up. How many points does Vegas have?

SA: Too many.

RP: If they can… if they get even… one point out of the four… sorry, four points… [pause] So they’re playing five playoff teams, they’re playing Dallas, Saint Louis, Calgary, Edmonton and Washington. So if we can… if they take zero points out of those games, LA is safe.

SA: Yeah… Yeah. They, they have 84 points right now and the Kings are at 86.

RP: Oh god That’s-that’s… No.

SA: And they have a game in hand on the Kings.

RP: Oh, do they really?

SA: Yeah.

RP: Oh, yes, they do. You’re right. Kings only have eight games left.

SA: And again, seven of them are against like teams that shouldn’t actually be hockey teams. So like that should bode well but we’ve all watched this team for a very long time now. We know that doesn’t mean anything.

RP: Yeah. We just have to hope that Vegas collects zero points in five of their games. Or only five points in their next nine games. That works, too.

SA: They just need to fail some more, it’s okay. They need to experience What everyone else experiences: failure.

RP: Yeah. So, if Vegas collects 12 points and LA collects 12 points in their next games… [doing math] the 13th… Yeah. Vegas would have to collect 14 points to surpass the Kings. If the Kings have 12 points they can–they should make the playoffs with 98 points. I think one team with 99 points missed the playoffs in the post-expansion era. But that was in the 90s. So in theory, the Kings should be able to get in with 12 points. Vegas has to get 14 points in nine games. I

feel like that’s harder to do.

SA: Right. It should be harder to do. And like, let me just on the record, I will be furious. Like I don’t even care, Kings, win, lose, whatever. I will be furious If Vegas somehow manages to finally like, put together a like lengthy competence stretch of hockey that makes them look like the Vegas that everyone hates and not the Vegas that’s been bad this year. I will be so mad if this is when they choose to do it. At like… Just,,, I will just be furious. Like, even if the Kings get into the playoffs by like one point. Like no, I would just be so mad. Like.. [trails off laughing]

RP: [laughs] I mean, it could be, like, based on ROW. I don’t know who has the edge in ROW, but like, whoever wins… Like, if Kings win the tiebreaker or whatever, like, I will be so mad Vegas starts winning games again.

SA: The team exists just like, infuriate me. That’s, that’s their only reason for existing.

RP: Well, that’s how I feel about Minnesota, though

SA: Oh, yeah.

RP: Can Minnesota just go away? Like…

SA: You wish.

RP: I’m tired of Kirill–Kirill Kaprizov and everybody just like fawning over him. Like, I understand he’s really good. But this is like 10 years ago when everybody was fawning over Sidney Crosby and like Alex Ovechkin. I’m like, yes, I know these guys are good, but like…

SA: Alright, let’s move on.

RP: Stop! Like, stop with the [mocking tone] “Oh my god, I’ve never seen somebody with so much skill!” And they have like, you know, the anime eyes that are like all big and watery. I’m like [sighs] I’m just tired of it.

SA: [snickers] That’s fair, that’s fair.

RP: But Vegas–back to Vegas. They are actually starting to get some of their injured guys back. Max Pacioretty just came back and you know, he’s a big boost to them. Dadonov is–that was a really big, you know, trade deadline pick up for Vegas.

SA: Right? Like they, they never would have known what his impact was going to be, just unbelievable, so unexpected.

RP: That was a good gamble for Las Vegas.

SA: I can’t believe Anaheim gave him up.

RP: I know, for nothing.

RP: Yeah. You know, Dadanov is playing well. I forget how many points he has, but I think he picked up like three points in five games or something, it’s crazy. Yeah. So and then… On the injury front for LA. We got some bad news today. So that we are not going to get some key players back.

SA: [sadly] Yeahhhh. Yeah, we did.

RP: Not to, you know, depress everyone. But Drew Doughty is… He underwent successful wrist surgery, which you know, nobody even knew that he was getting wrist surgery, so there’s that. And he’s out for the rest of the season. So even if the Kings do somehow make it to Game 83, he won’t be around, which means that even if somehow the Kings make the actual playoffs, the uh they’re screwed.

SA: Yeah, pretty much. Like and like this is like… I… not to be like conspiracy theory… But like the the last we heard about Drew Doughty, the more I was like, oh, this isn’t good. Like no one has even like seen him. And usually, usually, that’s a bad sign whenever–I mean, same with Dustin Brown. I feel like obviously Dustin Brown is,unfortunately for him, not as, like, integral to the team’s success at this point in his career. But we haven’t heard a peep about Dustin Brown, and I’m pretty sure that like he’s done too and they’re just not saying anything because, whatever. But I had a bad feeling about Doughty the cagier they were about his injury and yeah, here we are. And the whole problem of all the defense having to play up in roles that they probably aren’t ready for or aren’t best suited for is gonna keep continuing because he’s gone.

RP: Yeah, but I mean, I’m as much as I love Drew Doughty, he’s 32 years old now and let’s face it… Like, once the clock turns.. like when… On your 30th birthday, things start going wrong. I don’t know why. Like, one day you’re 29 and the next day you’re 30, your body’s like “that’s it, I’m done.”

SA: Yeah.

RP: Sh-shut it down, we’re done.

SA: Right? And I feel like like for Doughty like it’s especially frustrating because like the past couple seasons of his were just like hot garbage. And I think he would even admit that he had not played particularly well lately. But this year, I mean, he was at almost a point for game think before he went out and this year, he looked pretty good to the point where everyone was like, has… Has-has Drew Doughty turned back the clock, like, how is he doing this again? And he was having a really good season. And I saw someone on Twitter point out that, you know, he was one of the loudest voices in the Kings, you know, leadership veteran group, kind of lobbying for Okay, we’re ready Like, let’s start bringing in guys, let’s start making deals to make this team more competitive. And, you know, Rob Blake went out and got Phil Danault and went out and got Viktor Arvidsson. And now, the team is tentatively in a playoff position. And then Drew Doughty’s not even gonna get to experience it because he’s broken.

RP: Yeah. I tweeted something before this awful road trip. So, like I guess two weeks ago or something. I was like “umm… Is Dustin Brown dead? Did he die and nobody told us?” Like no offense to Dustin Brown because I’m sorry that they don’t need him. But also, it’s kind of like, could you at least just tell us if he’s dead or not? I just want to know.

SA: Right. Like, what’s-what’s the deal? What’s the deal with Dustin Brown?

RP: And-and Dustin Brown is also key to their leadership. I know, you know, there was the whole controversy with the captaincy being taken away from him, but he was always a real good sport about it. And even though like their leadership is quiet outside of Drew Doughty, it matters that you see your leader there, like somebody who was counted on to be a leader and see them there in in the room with you. And it-it’s… I forgot what year it was, but it was year when, you know, some of their–I think it was like 2015 or something. Like a bunch of their core leader guys, like Matt Greene and Willie Mitchell and like a whole bunch of others, they were either injured or gone and and Drew Doughty–I think it was Drew Doughty. He had an interview where he’s like, actually if it matters that they’re not in the room and they’re not playing games with us. Like it’s it’s totally different when you see them and you’re not playing games with them.

SA: Yeah. Yeah. Like, it upsets the whole equilibrium like of the team. You know, they can be there in the room as much as they want like after games and their little suits to give out high fives. But, everyone knows it’s not the same as having them, you know, on the ice [sarcastic] “going into battle with you.” Like whatever. It’s just… It’s just like so frustrating. Like that’s just like the theme of everything that’s happening right now. And like in some respects and like, okay like if it had to happen at any time, I’m glad it’s this year because this year… Like, we all know–one of my friends basically phrased it as like the Kings are playing with house money. Like any success that they have right now is just an added bonus because no one expected them to be decent this year. And so it’s like if they make the playoffs and get–even if they get, like, you know, they win one game like, whatever Like, that’s still a good experience for the young guys, and that everyone comes back next year and healthy and whatever. So, you know, I-I’d rather this year be the one where like the entire blue line dies because no one, no one looked at the Kings and were like, “ah, they’re gonna win the Cup this year.” So, I guess, if maybe they got it all out of their way out of their system now? Maybe? Hopefully? I hate this team.

RP: I was talking to my friend who’s a big Bruins fan and she’s like, yeah, we have nobody left on our defense. I was like, buddy, I–at one point we were playing the Ontario Reign defense. Like, literally, outside of Olli Määttä, we were missing all six of our starters. Don’t talk to me about how you’re upset that some of your defensemen are hurt. And I know she didn’t mean it like that, but I was like I’m sorry, I can’t-I can’t relate.

SA: Right. Like sounds crazy.

RP: Yeah and the Bruins are also over like a hundred plus points pace right now. So I’m like hm, okay, yeah I’m whatever.

SA: Right. Like, oh tiny violin.

RP: Yeah, especially after the 7-0 blow out. And I’m like, yeah, I have no more sympathy elft for the Bruins.

SA: No, absolutely none.

RP: [laughing] Oh my gosh… Okay, so if the Kings managed to make the playoffs, hockey gods willing–and I think I cursed the Kings with my monkey paw like wish and I’ll explain that in a minute–should the Kings make the playoffs, do you think McLellan should be considered for the Jack Adams? And should Rob Blake be considered for GM of the Year?

SA: I think-I think both should be… I mean, honestly, even if they don’t make the playoffs, I think they should both at least be in consideration for it because, you know, realistically this team, even if they don’t make the playoffs, this team has outperformed what anyone thought that they would. Like the Phil Danault, the Phil Danault move alone should win someone an award for bringing him in. You know, I think that they should both be in conversation for it. I don’t know if they should win, particularly looking at McLellan and how the Kings have kind of struggled, you know, down the stretch and, you know, some of it is personnel. But some of it you’re like okay… You-you have made zero adaptations, Todd McLellan, to your lines or your defensive pairings or anything. Like you haven’t like changed to suit the circumstances you’re in. So you know, would he win it? I don’t think he necessarily should. But I think he definitely is worthy of a nomination because yeah, like this team is… Despite all odds still clinging to a playoff spot, which is not something that 99% of hockey people thought was possible.

RP: Yeah, I’m a little iffy on Todd McLellan being nominated for Jack Adams. I think he should be in conversation. I’m not sure if he’s really worthy of it. Because like, you said, you know, he’s slow to make adjustments. And I get that. Because he’s… It-it’s funny because we’ve talked about it a lot. I don’t know if I talked about it with you, but I’ve certainly talked about it with James where he’s the polar opposite of Darryl Sutter. Like Oliver Kylington was a healthy scratch–or at least he was skating on their scratch line. It was either in practice or in morning skate, but I wasn’t paying attention. So, you know, Oliver Kylington is probably going to be a healthy scratch in Calgary’s next game, which is like, how do you scratch Oliver Kylington?

SA: Right.

RP: But the Flames also have banked an incredible amount of points Right now.

SA: Oh yeah.

RP: I was saying to somebody earlier. I was like they could play the Stockton Heat and it would make zero difference, honestly.

SA: They could. They… I-I… Stupid Calgary.

RP: And the Stockton Heat were also the first team in AHL to clinch, too. So.

SA: And they’re very hard to play.

RP: Everything’s coming up Calgary right now. Oh god, they’re gonna win the Cup this year, aren’t they??

SA: Shh. Don’t-don’t bring that evil into the world.

RP: But like, you know, whereas Darryl Sutter is quick to mix things up even within a game, Todd McLellan is very reluctant. He wants to get people to kind of figure their own issue out, which is good If you are, you know, an AHL coach or if you’re coaching a bunch of young kids. And so, you know, his were lessons to do it in the season when we were playing a half, the Ontario Reign roster–that one I can forgive. But like the insistence of playing Olli Määttä, the insistence that dressing Brendan Lemieux… These are like… Like what does Brendan Lemieux bring? You want an energy guy, you got Blake Lizotte for that!

SA: His biting. That’s it.

RP: [laughs] I’m gonna bite tongue and [mumbles].

SA: Yeah, no that-that has been–and I feel like if you talk to, you know, Oilers fans and Sharks fans from when McLellan was their coach, I feel like this is a familiar theme in in the Todd McLellan school of “Well, this is what we’re doing and we’re just sticking to the plan.” But there’s a point where, like sticking to the plan, you need to reevaluate your plan because it’s not working. Maybe it is time to tinker. Like there’s the extreme of the Like, I feel like Joel Quennville was always the example of like you have one bad shift, he’s like blow ‘em all, blow up all the lines. Like everyone, every man for himself, like every-everything is changed now, like which is also not good. Like players don’t necessarily like that, either, because you can’t build chemistry, if you never know who you’re playing with. But yeah, it’s past time for something to get shaken up. And instead, you know, we’re just rolling out the same pairings, the same lines hoping that like maybe this time they’ll work well together. At least, they stopped trying to make Adrian Kempe a center. If-if anything, if there is anything good that comes out of this season, it is that they realized that that needed to stop and surprise, Adrian Kempe has 30-plus goals now.

RP: Yeah. And-and Philip Danault has 20-plus goals in the first time ever in his career. So, you know, these are some of the things that I’m willing to kind of tip in Todd’s favor for, like, the nomination for Jack Adams. I’m just… The… The… The unwillingness to make adjustments, because “you’re smart, you can figure it out.” Like, I appreciate that. I appreciate that you’re trying to give people every chance to figure it out themselves, but at some point it’s like, you got to try something new.

SA: Yeah.

RP: It’s not working, whatever you’re doing. But for GM, I definitely think Rob Blake should–even if he doesn’t win, he should at least definitely get a nomination. I mean, the Arvidsson trade and the Phillip Danault signing, just friggin’ genius. Bringing up Kaliyev looked really smart early on even though Kaliyev was scratched for reasons in the last game…

SA: Secret reasons! I wonder if one of those like he was late for breakfast kind of thing. Like… Because I feel like McLellan has been pretty open in the past about like other times where he scratched him or like moved him around in the lineup. He’s been kind of open about like, yeah like, I just like you know there was like when he was like on the top line and then moved him back down. He was like yeah like “we wanted to try but it didn’t really work.” And you know, so I wonder if there was like something else stupid that happened of like maybe he’s like brought the wrong shoes or that they would scratch him. But… Or it could just be, you know, Todd being Todd and was like, no, we’re gonna have you sit and like look at the game, which sometimes that has the desired experience like, you know, didn’t wasn’t like Tyler Toffoli they scratched him last season and then he went on to like actually be–er whenever, whenever his last like last last season like that he was a healthy scratch at one point and he came back from that and like got the message and was really good and then we traded him because everything’s terrible?

RP: [wistfully] I miss him.

SA: Stupid Calgary.

SA: Stupid Montreal. You should have hung on to him. He was better in the east. He signed that four-year deal because he wanted to stay in Montreal. Stupid a-holes.

SA: Jerks. But, you know, he’s back with his buddy Darryl Sutter and Milan Lucic who still exists.

RP: And he’s doing really well in Calgary. He is thriving under Darryl Sutter.

SA: Which is not surprising.

RP: No. He’s a Darryl Sutter type of player for sure. [Sighs] Even if it didn’t work out in LA. But that’s… that’s a whole different issue that we don’t need to talk about.

SA: Yeah, that’s another show.

RP: All right. So 14 points gets them into the playoffs. 12 points, big capital letters SHOULD. Seven games against real crappy teams… I don’t like our odds, Sarah.

SA: Like, I feel like we can pull it out against these crappy teams, but I’m afraid that Vegas is gonna go on a tear, especially, if it looks like, they might be getting Mark Stone back soon, which I am terrified of like…

RP: I thought they had like no cap space.

SA: Yeah, I don’t really know how they’re gonna wrangle that. They’ve… They keep adding more people to long-term injured reserve. Eventually, they’re gonna run out of injured people, I think. But if they get him back, I feel like even injured, you know, not-at-his-best Mark Stone is still really good. So it’s entirely possible for the Kings to like turn it around, and look really good down this stretch against again, really miserable bad hockey teams and still like, miss out by like one stupid point or something because Mark Stone was like a “F you!” and then wins a bunch of games for Vegas.

RP: Yeah, but now we have Mark Stone’s paper–I’m making a stupid pun here. We have his nemesis. We have Phillip Danault.

SA: I just got what your pun was. That’s a really good one.

RP: I’m sorry, I was trying to think of like what-what the opposite of rock and that was the first thing that came into my mind.

SA: I mean, I like it, I like where you’re going with it. But yeah, we do have his nemesis. So like I mean, I’m all about that. Like I would love to see his life be made miserable again by our perfect boy Phil Danault. But…

RP: The wildest thing about the Habs going to the Stanley Cup playoffs–I mean to the Stanley Cup Final–was Phillip Danault somehow shutting down Mark Stone in seven games.

SA: It was so good.

RP: Or six games.

SA: I loved it. I loved every second of it.

RP: Oh. I forgot to tell you what my monkey paw thing was. So okay, I was making a wish during the Isobel Cup Final–that’s the PHF final for those of you who don’t know, the Professional Hockey Federation formerly known as the NWHL. I’m rooting hard for my Connecticut Whale, who of course, let me down because

SA: Of course.

RP: I only root for teams that let me down and Boston has all the luck–grr.

SA: Jerks.

RP: Anyway. Rootin’ rootin’ rootin’ after they blew a 2-1 lead and then they went down 3-2. So I’m like rooting hard. I’m like okay, Universe if the Connecticut Whale can pull this out, win the Isobel Cup then I don’t care if the Kings make the playoffs.

SA: Oh no!

RP: I will trade the Kings’ playoffs for the-for the Connecticut Whale winning the Cup. The Whale did not win, but I think they– the universe was like, oh, you want the Kings to miss the playoffs? Let me grant your wish for you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry everybody. It’s my fault. I just wanted something nice for Shannon Turner. She deserved it. She unretired for this! Sorry, I have feelings.

SA: Stupid Boston.

RP: Why does Boston always gotta get lucky, man?

SA: Magic. Witchcraft.

RP: Well from now on, I’m anti-Boston.

SA: That’s fair.

RP: I’m sorry to all Boston fans. Well, I’m really not that sorry. But even in the Beanpot, I don’t want any Boston teams to win and I know how crazy is that? Because it’s only in Boston, but like… I don’t know. Magic. [Heavy sigh] All right. Well, here’s hoping that our boys can win against these crappy teams.

SA: F-fingers crossed. I have to go watch them play against Chicago and I’m just terrified that they’re gonna blow it. But, we’ll see.

RP: You better bring them luck, Sarah.

SA: I’m trying! I have a pretty, I have a pretty good record this year, like they’ve, they’ve done pretty well. I think I have a winning record of seeing them in LA. So… Hopefully that translates to here?

RP: I hope–I was gonna say, hopefully, like their road magic like reasserts itself.

SA: Right.

RP: And like, Matt Roy doesn’t look half dead anymore.

SA: Poor guy. He might be half dead, we don’t really know.

RP: Well he gets to play with Sean Durzi, he shouldn’t be half dead.

SA: He might, they never told us what was wrong with him. He might actually be half dead. He’s a zombie. That’s, that’s my theory now. That’s why he hasn’t looked right. He’s a zombie and he’s still working out how to play hockey as a zombie.

RP: Wasn’t it like a lower body injury or something?

SA: I think so, yeah. It was, it was some sort of bodily injury.

RP: It was– [laughs] Sorry, that just reminds me of what Darrel Sutter said. “What’s wrong with Matt Greene?” “It’s a body injury.”

SA: I mean, he’s not wrong.

RP: Upper, lower. It–I don’t know somewhere on his body. So, thank you Darryl. Yeah, I mean, I’m still gonna blame Olli Määttä. I’m sorry, Olli Määttä, that you’re the punching bag. But his injury came after he had to play like 30 minutes with Olli Maata. I’m mean… I’m not saying it’s a coincidence but I’m not not saying it’s not a coincidence.

SA: Alright, alright. I like the conspiracy theory. I’m down with it

RP: I love conspiracy theories. [Pause] Any final thoughts about our boys, our disappointing boys?

SA: R-I-P Drew Doughty, we knew you well. I hope you grow a new wrist or whatever.

RP: I hope their offense wakes up. But more importantly, I hope that like their goaltending stops falling apart.

SA: Yeah. That would be important. I would like for that to be addressed.

RP: Ok so here’s my wish to the monkey paw universe: Kings get their offense going and their goaltending is good. Both at once. At one–but at the same time. Is that asking too much?

SA: Yeah… It might be. We’ll see. I feel like the like monkey paw that is like, I don’t know, Adrian Kempe suddenly forgets how to skate or something.

RP: No, chance are he will like… [pause] No, I’m not gonna say it. I’m not gonna go fate.

SA: Nope, don’t do it. Don’t do it.

RP: I’m not going to.

SA: Good.

RP: All right. Well thanks for joining me tonight, Sarah. I hope the Kings get their 12 points.

SA: Always glad to share my complaints. Oh god.