Times are rough, Kings fans. With just 2 games remaining, the Kings are out of a playoff spot and the outlook is decidedly grim.
The Kings can still make the playoffs the conventional way, of course. Andrew has already detailed the ways in which this can still happen.
However, the Kings are weird. Really weird. They lose games in all kinds of ways to all kinds of teams. They dig ridiculous holes to climb out of and then stand at the surface as if there was never a hole at all.
So how will they claim the Stanley Cup this year?
1. Theft.
The Kings are still in possession of the Stanley Cup and can simply steal it and hide it. This is the most simple solution to the Kings’ problems.
2. Win from the 9-seed.
This one will take some doing, but it only makes sense given that the Kings were the first team to win the Stanley Cup from the 8-seed. For the Kings to win from the 9-seed, they’ll have to show up at the arena and play an impromptu three-way playoff series. Their best hope is probably to show up at the Flames/Canucks series if they hope to advance to round 2, where hockey would then return to a normal state.
3. Hostile takeover.
Should plans 1 and 2 fail, the Kings can always just buy the hockey league and name themselves champs. The last three playoff runs have surely been beneficial to the bank accounts of team owners, and they can use that cash to finance another title.
4. Challenge the league to a shootout.
The long con would finally pay off. The rest of the league, having underestimated the Kings based on their lack of recent success in this particular skills competition, foolishly agrees to play for the Stanley Cup in a 3-round, winner takes all shootout. The coin flip would finally turn up for the Kings, and they’d be able to reclaim the their crown.
5. Triple-dog-dare the new champ to a playoff series for the Cup.
Turning down a triple-dog-dare is illegal in 47 countries, including the United States and Canada. This is probably the Kings’ best bet.
6. Use Dwight King’s natural ability to intimidate.
Sure, we haven’t seen it a lot this season, but he’s still ready to rob a bank with a single glance.
The trademark Dwight King grin appears after @lakingsinsider asks about the stitches below his eye: pic.twitter.com/ef6v9uN9TI
— Jewels frm the Crown (@JFTC_Kings) April 5, 2015
7. Have Tyler Toffoli beg the other teams for the Cup.
No one can turn down the charms of a small, smiling, pleading child.
Honestly, with all of these options, I’d be surprised if the Kings don’t win the Stanley Cup.