BREAKING: Kings Eliminated from Non-Playoffs - Lose Tee Times

Already hit hard by the recent economic downturn, Southland golf courses are now bracing for the absence of L.A. Kings players from their greens this Spring. And they're not the only ones who are miffed. "I could have signed anywhere, but I chose L.A. to work on my golf game," said 4 handicap Rob Scuderi. "It's unacceptible. [Kings General Manager, Dean] Lombardi assured me this wasn't a hockey town."

[UPDATE: The above story is entirely made-up, except for the first sentence.]