The Pawnee Kings
Which King is which Parks & Rec character? A JFTC investigation.
The other day I was just minding my own business when Fox Sports West posted this picture of Tyler Toffoli's room to Instagram.
This picture - where Tyler Toffoli is in a disaster of a bed in a mess of a room with two bottles of Gatorade on surfaces that are not tables - got me thinking. What would Tyler Toffoli be if he wasn't a hockey player? This important thought was just the start of an intense journey. Follow me as I investigate the most important subject of the week. Which Parks & Rec character is your favorite King?
This one is easy - Leslie's the star of the show and the heart and soul of the office she works in. This is unquestionably Anze Kopitar. Leslie simply doesn't fail. She and Anze are the best at what they do. Some people can try to drag them down, but these two always come through in the end.
This one is less easy. Ben was the love of Leslie's life. Going by this, the answer should be Justin Williams. Unfortunately, Ben stays until the very end. That is not true of Justin.
Ben is also difficult to cast because his schtick is being a very book-savvy shy guy. He excels at math. A book-smart math whiz definitely eliminates Drew Doughty.
Fortunately for us, Ben has a cloudy past. After a disastrous stint as the mayor of a small town, Ben became known as the Ice Clown. His former home's residents became incredibly resentful, especially after he found success elsewhere. This makes Ben Wyatt Jeff Carter.
Craig is... something. He cares a lot. He's incredibly irritable and loud. Some of his bountiful energy can be described as misguided at absolute best. It all comes from the right place though. He also showed up late in the show's run. Milan Lucic.
As the ultimate heel of the office, Larry/Jerry/Terry/Garry wound up being the butt of many jokes. His peers struggled with him so much that they literally couldn't remember his first name.
Visibly, Mr. Gergich was a complete disaster. He constantly bungled simple tasks. Almost everything seemed to overwhelm him. Over time, we learned that he has a beautiful family, a loving wife, and a life that can only be described as successful. By the end of the show, he served ten terms as the mayor of Pawnee.
A visual failure that secretly dominates life, only to later have his true greatness recognized? Jake Muzzin.
A gruff and surly man, Ron is marked by compassion for his friends, and his secret love of playing jazz under the name Duke Silver. A gruff, surly, compassionate leader that could go by the initials DS? Darryl Sutter.
Mark was no one's favorite character. His ambitions were unclear. His character wasn't particularly funny. He didn't really fit. Then, suddenly, he was gone. He wasn't written out of the show. He never had a fond goodbye. He was just gone! His departure opened up the door for Ben to become a regular character on the show.
A bad character who left after two successful seasons for the show just as it ascended to newer and greater heights, essentially replaced by Ben Wyatt? Jack Johnson.
I'm gonna be honest. I hated Jean-Ralphio. Aside from a scant moment here or there, I hated every second that he was on screen. Jarret Stoll.
Andy is the lovable dope. He's the Chicago Cubs of people. Perpetually on the struggle bus, Andy famously broke both of his legs by accidentally walking into a pit. Andy is also the show's most beloved son, evidenced by the fact that Chris Pratt's career exploded as a result of this role.
A goofball that everyone adores? Tyler Toffoli. This is the most obvious one of the bunch. If Toff wasn't a hockey player, I'm pretty convinced he'd be the real life version of Andy. You will never convince me that this is not Tyler Toffoli.
Jamm is the antithesis of all that is good in Parks & Rec. He is a constant thorn in the side of Leslie Knope, fighting her at every turn. Anything that she tries to do, he tries to undo. Jamm is a smarmy disaster of a human.
Jamm is Corey Perry.
I kept trying to fit Jonathan Quick into one of these characters but I couldn't make it work. Jon is a strange dude. I decided that ultimately he has to be Creed Bratton from The Office. It's difficult to word, so I'll just submit these as evidence. Is this not Jonathan Quick? This? Most certainly this. Lastly, this for sure is Jonathan Quick.
I didn't get to every King or Parks & Rec character. This opens the floor for you. Who is Chris Traeger? Which two Kings are most likely to treat themselves? Is there anyone that Anze Kopitar would break out a series of ridiculous descriptions for? Discuss below.