What You Need to Know about the Anaheim Ducks
The Ducks have been hilarious since they were based on a mediocre kids movie.
Tonight brings us the latest edition of the Freeway Faceoff. So far this season, the Kings are 1-0-2 against the Ducks, and all 3 games have gone to overtime at the very least. In recent years, the geographic rivalry has gained some actual steam on the ice, as both teams have been very competitive.
What happens on the ice isn't important, though. What is important is that you don't ever take the Anaheim Ducks seriously. Here are the most iconic things that have ever happened to the league's worst franchise.
1. We Don't Know what Corey Perry Is
The Ducks drafted Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry in the first round of the storied 2003 NHL Entry Draft. In Getzlaf, they were getting a highly touted center that is likely a real human being.
In Corey Perry, they were getting a high-scoring winger that... is actually a kidney stone? Or is he an extraterrestrial being? Or, most likely, he's just a straight-up mutant.
Honestly, we're just not sure. Where did Corey Perry come from? He certainly wasn't brought into this world through conventional means. I think he's probably what happens when you leave a fork in the microwave for too long. What do you think?
2. That Time Red Wings Fans Took Over the Ducks Broadcast
Fox Sports West has made post-game shows a staple of their hockey broadcasts in recent years. Kings Live (or Ducks Live, in this instance) is broadcast from an open air studio. This allows raucous fans to fill up the space behind the hosts.
When I've been able to enjoy these after a Kings win at Staples, it's been a blast. After defeating the San Jose Sharks in game 7 in 2013, the crowd here was as loud and energetic as any I've ever been in. Kings fans maintained chants and cheers for the duration of the broadcast. I remember looking at my friend next to me, and he was blown away by what we were in the middle of. He tried to talk to me from just a few feet away, but we simply couldn't hear each other.
When the Ducks lost a game 7 in Anaheim that same year, Red Wings fans may have felt the same way:
hahaha the ducks post-game has been taken over by wings fans pic.twitter.com/AHAbpytX0M— Nick (@dightkwing) May 13, 2013
A fate perfect for Brian Hayward.
3. They Sent Teemu Selanne Out with a Bang
No, I don't mean the touching tribute paid to the face of the franchise immediately after the Kings dispatched the Ducks from the playoffs in 2014. I also don't mean the very nice jersey retirement ceremony they had for him that included Gary Bettman for some reason.
Teemu Selanne thinks he was misused by Bruce Boudreau. The Finnish star also blamed Bruce Boudreau for the team's playoff failure: "It would have been wrong if we had won the Stanley Cup with a coach like that." Furthermore, Selanne also said he would've come back for another season if the Ducks put a different man behind the bench.
As always, it's worth noting that these are probably risks you run when you hire a Kings fan to coach the Ducks.
4. The Mumps
An outbreak of the dangerous disease can be traced back to the visitor's locker room in Anaheim. While Francois Beauchemin posits that the St. Louis Blues are actually responsible, I doubt that's true. Let's take a look at the symptoms:
As well as the tell-tale neck swelling, symptoms may include pain and discomfort from the swelling, fever, headache, feeling sick, dry mouth, joint aches and a general malaise.
Ear pain may be felt, especially when chewing. A sour taste in the mouth may be experienced and swallowing may be difficult.
Hmmm. Headache? Check. Feeling sick? Check. General malaise? Check. Ear pain? Check. I feel all of these things while watching the Ducks, imagine actually having to come into contact with them! Case closed.
5. Trash Goes in the Dumpster
The Ducks, apparently feeling that their star players weren't doing enough in this regard, decided to do some good ol' fashioned garbage collecting over recent months.
Most notably, they traded for Ryan Kesler. Legendary Jewels from the Crown member Robert Paredez summed things up for us nicely:
Ryan Kesler : Anaheim Ducks :: Trash : Dumpster— Robert Paredez (@BlobertP) June 27, 2014
However, the Ducks didn't stop there. They also went ahead and signed the man that spawned one of the worst twitter accounts around. On top of all of this, they are currently in the process of releasing Ilya Bryzgalov. Unlike the previously mentioned men, Ilya Bryzgalov is simply making his escape. He never belonged there anyway.