2015 Top 25 Under 25, #13: Andy Andreoff

I have three thoughts running through my head right now as I write this:

1) Whoa, I still have access!

2) Literally no one on earth is going to read this, so I can write whatever I want, I think.

3) *heart eyes*

Here is my Serious Blogger Analysis Of Andy Andreoff: he is probably not a very good hockey player. His move up three spots likely has more to do with how bad the Kings’ prospect pool is than it does with Andy’s talent and/or potential. The dude is 24, so what you see is what you get at this point. And what you saw was a guy who made the big club last year, but played just 18 games and scored all of 3 points. He’s a 13th forward, and even with the subtractions of Mike Richards & Jarret Stoll on the center depth chart, probably won’t get into many more games than that this year either. Which is a good thing, judging by his fancy stats. He had a 47.5% Corsi at evens last year, which would be pretty bad on a lot of teams but is positively horrific on the Kings. So yeah. Not good at hockey.

But if you think all that means you should hate Andy, first of all it’s just a game man relax. Second of all, NO. LEAVE MY WAIFU ALONE. HE’S TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD.

I present to you, in descending order of importance, my Top 5 Reasons Why Husbando Is The Best. You may disagree, in which case you’ll be wrong.

1. His piercing gaze looks past your outer shell and directly into your vulnerable soul. Don’t you dare try to front to him, because he’ll see right through you. There’s no secrets with waifu.
2. His name is just the greatest. Be honest: the first time you read it you at least smiled to yourself. His parents clearly had a great sense of humor.
3. He seems hard at first, but he has a sensitive side he’ll only show to those he’s most intimate with. He’s a surprisingly great listener; his slow, gentle nods and earnest, easygoing smile make it clear he’s interested in what you have to say.
4. He’s much, much more attractive than this guy, whose headshot comes up when you image search for Andy Andreoff, for some reason. No idea who that guy is but he looks like a creep.
5. Again, his name is Andy freaking Andreoff. This gets two entries because it’s the most awesome name ever.

Now that you have been enlightened, I expect all of you to love Andy Andreoff like I do. Except, y’know, from afar. Because he’s spoken for. Don’t make me say it again.