Editor’s note: Introducing a new series: LET’S GET SILLY. The season is a bust as the team bounces between last place and slightly above last place. With that being said, LET’S GET SILLY.
There’s not a lot of activity going on this week as the Los Angeles Kings are in the midst of a very long break following this weekend’s All Star festivities. So we at JFTC imagined players in the organization (not just limited to the NHL squad) as candies. Why? For fun. See note above.
Players as Candies
| Player(s) | Candy | Logic |
|---|---|---|
| Willie Desjardins | Mirage | We thought he was a coach. It was a Mirage. |
| Jonathan Quick | Licorice | Controversial as to whether he’s/it’s good and/or overrated |
| Jack Campbell | Life savers | Because he’s saved the Kings’ butts on more than one occasion |
| Adrian Kempe | Snickers | He’s adorable and maybe a little nutty at times but always enjoyable to watch |
| Kyle Clifford | Jolly ranchers | Because he’s a tough guy but underneath, is pretty sweet (especially when he’s scoring goals) |
| Jonny Brodzinski | Reese’s Cups | It’s fine. It’s not great but it’s not, like, super awful. It’s something that could be better but also something that you keep eating anyway |
| Tyler Toffoli | Taffy | Tyler Taff-oli |
| Nate Thompson | Dairy Milk | literally the most basic candy on the planet. Nate Thompson is a hockey player. Is he good? Eh. Will he do? Eh, sure why not? |
| Anze Kopitar | York Peppermint Patty | He’s cool, crisp, dignified, and versitile. When you bite into it it packs a punch. |
| Ilya Kovalchuk | Flake | An import that’s not as good as you hoped it would be |
| Carl Hagelin | Sur Skumfisk | A Swedish delight and Hagelin is turning out to be just that! (When healthy, of course) |
| Brendan Leipsic | Milky Way | Masquerades as a Snickers replacement, but actually not so bad when you give it a chance |
| Dustin Brown | Nestle Crunch | King of the big crunch. King of the Toyota Tough Hit of the Game. |
| Alex Iafallo | Smarties | He went to college?? |
| Trevor Lewis | Butterfingers | Well, he’s not great at holding on to the puck |
| Jeff Carter | Hot tamale | He’s really hot |
| Austin Wagner | Aero | He’s speedy and “aero” sounds fast |
| Matt Luff | Eat-More | He’s young and fun and we’d all like to see “more” of him! |
| Alec Martinez | Hershey Kisses | Because he’s beautiful and we want to give him kisses |
| Drew Doughty | Whoppers | His hits are always Whoppers. |
| Paul LaDue | Candy corn | Apparently Willie Desjardins thinks Paul LaDue is candy corn because he never plays (and candy corn is terrible) |
| Dion Phaneuf | Butterscotch hard candy | because he’s old lol and like grandfathers always had these |
| Jake Muzzin | Sour patch kids | His hits can leave opponents sour but it’s sweet to have him on our team |
| Oscar Fantenberg | Swedish fish | He’s Swedish? |
| Derek Forbort | Hershey’s chocolate bar | just your standard candy bar … nothing flashy about it … it exists and gets the job done |
| That ’70s Line | 3 Musketeers | We miss you, Tanner |
| Kings team | Sweetart | There’ve been a lot of sour but also sweet moments in 50 years |
| Cal Petersen | Peanut M&Ms | He’s a goalie so that makes him a little weird to begin with and apparently has a personality to match |
| Daniel Brickley | Mr. Big | He was a highly prized UFA signing in the spring of 2018 |
| Gabriel Vilardi | Kit Kat | He breaks a lot and you break off a piece of that kit kat bar |
| Jaret Anderson-Dolan | Rolo | A delightful center |
| Mikey Anderson | Twizzlers | He dazzled at the WJC and had a few move twisting the opposition inside out…. |
| Rasmus Kupari | Salmiakki | He’s Finnish and so is this candy! |
| Spencer Watson | Skittles | Small but mighty in flavor and in his skill |
| Akil Thomas | Coffee crisp | A speedy winger and Canadian and coffee gives you good energy to do things fast |
| Alex Dergachyov | Maltesers | Classic power forward that is maybe or maybe not good? |
| Sheldon Rempal | Nerds | Um he was in the NCAA? |
| Matt Villalta | Pal o Mine | Goalies are always the best pals to have on your team |
| Jacob Moverare | Skor | Has a Swedish name and um he’s Swedish? |
| Kurtis MacDermid | Tootsie pops | Hard outside. How many licks to the center (of his talent)? |
| Kale Clague | wunderbar | He has a “wunder”ful name that fits in with the city of Los Angeles |
| Alex Lintuniemi | Fazer Blue | A staple in Finnish culture, it’s not flashy but is reliable nonetheless and Lintuniemi emulates that pretty well |
| Mike Eyssimont | Starburst | He isn’t going to be a star but he is bursting with energy |
| Nikita Scherbak | MANGO | Not a candy, he’s an actual mango, like the fruit |
So what did you think? Let us know in the comments below if you agree or disagree with our choices or if we missed a candy or player that should totally be on here!